You Don't Fit In With The Crowd

It's cold outside, and your fingers ache. You long for someone to wrap their arms around you and connect. Someone to say to you that it's ok and that they will just hang out with you. Someone to say that they understand. You long for a friend. Just a friend. Someone that could just grab your shaking fingers, squeeze them kinda tight, lift them a few inches above from where they are at and say "I'm right here my friend." Is that too much to ask?

Nobody goes through darkness when someone has a plan. So, one would think. I have so many plans, but plans go by the wayside. I want to achieve them, and shout them from the heavens, but it seems like there isn't anyone to tell them to.

I was drunk at the bar tonight in an ice storm. Probably 12 other people in the bar. I chose to walk alone through the icy rain home because there was not one person in that entire bar that I had any desire to hear, or feel my pain! I never said a word about anything, but it was apparent that they only had one thing on their mind. They had their own addictive agendas that I don't want to see. Addictions that I never want to witness.

I never disclosed one word about any ailments that I may have been feeling at the time. It just wasnt there. I would rather talk to my anonymous friends on the internet then open up another can of addiction with those that wouldn't even hesitate to go on freely in their own fucked up lives.

I may be screwed up, but atleast I think about why I'm screwed up. Sadness envelops me, and reality slaps me in the face. There is joy however! As much as I am confused, and fighting addiction, I feel like I'm further along than those that sat beside me tonight.