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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Finally seeing the light

Maybe I will only see the light for a moment. Maybe it will last. I am tired. Been physically abused by demons and alcohol. I'm tired of it! I'm ready. I've sung songs with a noose around my neck.. knowing that the noose wouldn't be tightened further... At least for the night.

I'm ready. I may be (or feel) alone, but I don't want this anymore. I can drink more than 3 souls can and hold a straight face. I can function with a .3 alcohol content in my blood.. That's not bragging, its sadness and knowing that I will kill myself in due time if I continue.. I want to overcome! I will, and this fact is finally starting to make me smile! Just the thought that you and I can!

I remember my last DWI, and the cops said to me that I wasn't slurring my speech when I blew a .257 was disturbing to them.. I hadn't drank in almost 2 hours (after the being logged in to jail) so you know that I was up around .3 when I was taken into custody.. Geesh.. There is no joy knowing that you can fill yourself with immense amounts of alcohol and still function.


Anonymous said...

You may feel like you are alone, but you are not. Keep this in mind. There are those out there who care very much whether or not you win this battle! There are those who would do anything they could to help you. All you have to do is reach out to them. Think about it. You know who those people are.

Chad said...

I'm glad that you are coming to these realizations. I will help you along your journey if you want me too. You have a long road ahead but it is worth every minute. I think you should continue to use this blog as an outlet for your recovery. I'll be praying for you to have strength to conquer. God Bless

Anonymous said...

These two earlier comments truly inspire me. Anonymous cares about whether you win your battle. Chad ramps it up a bit and says that he'll help you if you want him to. Perhaps I'm naive, but my five years of sobriety tells me that these thoughts are for real. You don't just stumble across people every day who are wiling to help you without seeking anything in return. You won't find a better deal anywhere and, as they say, if you're not satisfied, all your misery will be refunded. Wildcat ...

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