Well, it has been quite awhile since I have been posted on my alcoholics blog, but I think its time that I started posting regularly again. I was layed off two days ago, and my call back date to return to work is three months from now. How am I going to fill these three months? Will I use this time to be productive or will I fall back into a drunken stupor (like I did during last winter's layoff)?
When I have structure, priorities, and deadlines in my life I am able to at least control my drinking to a point. Knowing that my alarm clock won't be going off at 6:00 AM tomorrow morning leaves an incredible amount of temptation wanting to fill my day feeding the addictive monster that lives inside of me. I can already feel the excitement that is building within the addict inside of me. Its "play time", it cries. It's whispering in my year saying, "its ok, you don't have to work in the morning. Lets go out and have a good time!" Those temptations are always there and increase as the day goes on.
I knew that this layoff was coming for a long time. I live in a tourist town that literally shuts down from mid December through mid march. I have been looking forward (yet dreading) this layoff for a long time. I had been working full time and also going to college. My three month layoff is an amazing opportunity to start putting my newly acquired computer skills to work in an attempt to make some money on the internet. I have many entrepreneurial ideas, and this three month layoff is the perfect time to improve my life financially and hopefully start making a residual income to supplement my physical job making an hourly salary.
Last year my three month layoff started off nicely, before I lost the struggle to alcoholism. It wasn't long before I was going out and getting drunk in the bars and going to bed later and later. A month into the layoff I was sleeping off hangovers until 6PM, and I would be out in the bars by 9 and doing it all over again. All of my goals became less important, and I was once again lost in an alcoholic fog that consumed me.
What will my layoff this year hold for me? Stay tuned and find out. I would love to hear your comments, and suggestions. I publish (nearly) all of the comments that are sent to me. Good or bad. The only ones that I omit are profanity laced tirades that really serve no purpose to any reader.
1 comment:
After twenty years of alcoholism I was at the end of my rope. I had been getting by but barely. I was a jerk a lot of the time even when I wasn’t drinking, but I knew it was somehow related to the booze. After multiple stints at rehab facilities and about 1,500 meetings, I was still drinking to stupidity every few months which would cause my girlfriend and others great pain. I was in the hospital at least three to four times a year or more with life-threatening disorders but it didn’t stop me from my drinking binges.
A friend of mine had gone to a clinic in Mexico a few years ago and reported great experiences with an African psychoactive root that has reported good results with alcohol, opiates and nicotine. It costs a few bucks but I thought what the hell, I had lost small fortunes many times due to the alcoholic stupidity.
I went to Mexico and checked in to the facility. I ingested the root that evening. For the next two days I stayed in bed going through the hidden files in the back of my mind. WOW what a circus! It took me weeks to assimilate what I had become due to the twenty years of booze, very disturbing. Some were disgusting. I felt beaten after looking at what I had done over the past 20 years. I was surely on my way to hell with my vote for such being the first vote cast.
A few weeks later it began to change. I realized that the camouflage that I had been hiding behind was gone, the results were in; I was bad. Somehow this gave me a great level of freedom. I realized that I had bottomed out but I had my talent, job, and although my girlfriend left I was still in love and I began to rebuild.
I go to meetings once in a while but the experience brought me to my senses and somehow gave me the strength to carry on with a new level of awareness. Alcohol is no longer on the menu. I don't have to fight it anymore, it’s gone. Just seeing how stupid and harmful I had been woke me up and gave me a very important tool to work with, a sober, sensible me that now has the option to change as I am no longer in an alcoholic stupor. I returned to the same problems, the same lame personal status that I had before the experience a lot different. I am rebuilding for the better because I can. I feel old but like a kid again, an old kid and a grateful client. The place I went to is…http://www.thehonestlookprogram.com I would recommend it.
Mrdmetzger9 Skype
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