Another day of addiction, and another day of darkness right? Not exactly. I had a friend that thought about me tonight. He didn't tell me to stop killing myself, just a comforting hand that said that "you really don't have to." It meant so much as I was drinking and fueling my sickness. For that special person I thank them for that.
When you are hurting and someone takes interest in your pain, you don't quite feel so alone. It seems to give you a little more strength to that squeeze in your handshake. You feel more confident to regain a smile that's been vacant for so long. When an Angel comes inside your life and is standing behind your back, you feel that you are fully equipped and able to stand up to the demons that hold you back. You don't feel quite so scared. You will still be scared, don't get me wrong, the fear lies by your side. Yet the confidence to squeeze your muscles, look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you can overcome is intensified.
When you face addiction and have a continuous battle within your own soul, it feels so nice when you have an Angel that believes in you! You can disappoint yourself, your loved ones, but you know the sun will inevitably shine come morning. When you have an Angel, you can still smile. Angels give you hope. They literally can put wings on your back and uplift you!
Angels come in to your life in an instant, some delay the showcase of their supernatural talents, and some have always been there. You just have to have the capability of letting them into your life. They are there for you.
I'm a mess, but knowing I have Angels gives me strength to battle my demons tomorrow. Notice how I say "demons" in lower case letters. They don't deserve upper case letters. Let them lie in muck. They don't deserve you, me, or anyone else on this Earth.
Showing posts with label alcoholic friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcoholic friends. Show all posts
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Alcoholism, and Your Childhood Friends Are No longer There
Your childhood friends are still there. They laugh, and they can relate with you about memories that make you shake your head. You actually brag about how who was the most encapsulated individual. Yet years later, you see them prospering, having children, finding their wives that enrich them, making a plantation, and moving beyond the evil that had captivated them at the time during their youth.
They have moved on.. Why haven't you? Well they weren't alcoholics, although (some some danced with the devil alongside you) You were, and you are! What was a memory to them, is a lifestyle for you.
Some of my beloved friends of my youth are alcoholics, but they decided that they were tired of the pain. I sit here and contemplate whether they are stronger than me or if they just found the woman (or the mental clarity) that makes the world a better place without addiction.
Alcoholics search for a patch to bandage their pain. Some find religion, some find music, some find awareness, some find that they are lost, and some just don't find it.
Personally, I feel lost. Looking back in my life, the realization sets in that I am a middle aged man now (37) and most of my friends that I have known have looked themselves in the mirror and decided to take the wise path. They have came to a crossing point, and have chosen joy. What makes me different?
Weakness? No! I am not weak! I will run a marathon, I will do 500 situps in one "sitting" (did that), I will do anything in that realm! What I can't do is turn down alcohol (if I have been drinking in a setting). It makes me sad and the demons inside me know that. Every alcoholic has a weakness that they can't control. Each are different.
I yearn for what some have, yet couldn't imagine living without what I have. It's hard but it's a love/hate relationship. Loving alcohol is great! It is horrible at the same time. You can love alcohol, but you have to be ready to sign over your soul. You have to be ready to admit that feeling bad, hangovers, distorted feelings, loss of ambition, physical ailments that may come, and crying yourself to sleep is worth the humiliation that you put yourself through.
Who wants that? Millions..... Sad to say.....
They have moved on.. Why haven't you? Well they weren't alcoholics, although (some some danced with the devil alongside you) You were, and you are! What was a memory to them, is a lifestyle for you.
Some of my beloved friends of my youth are alcoholics, but they decided that they were tired of the pain. I sit here and contemplate whether they are stronger than me or if they just found the woman (or the mental clarity) that makes the world a better place without addiction.
Alcoholics search for a patch to bandage their pain. Some find religion, some find music, some find awareness, some find that they are lost, and some just don't find it.
Personally, I feel lost. Looking back in my life, the realization sets in that I am a middle aged man now (37) and most of my friends that I have known have looked themselves in the mirror and decided to take the wise path. They have came to a crossing point, and have chosen joy. What makes me different?
Weakness? No! I am not weak! I will run a marathon, I will do 500 situps in one "sitting" (did that), I will do anything in that realm! What I can't do is turn down alcohol (if I have been drinking in a setting). It makes me sad and the demons inside me know that. Every alcoholic has a weakness that they can't control. Each are different.
I yearn for what some have, yet couldn't imagine living without what I have. It's hard but it's a love/hate relationship. Loving alcohol is great! It is horrible at the same time. You can love alcohol, but you have to be ready to sign over your soul. You have to be ready to admit that feeling bad, hangovers, distorted feelings, loss of ambition, physical ailments that may come, and crying yourself to sleep is worth the humiliation that you put yourself through.
Who wants that? Millions..... Sad to say.....
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