Have you ever felt total awareness about your surroundings? TOTALLY AWARE of your surroundings? A leaf falling from a tree in the distance? The sound of sticks breaking beneath your feet as you walk to the bar and feed your demons? How the distant moon seemed a little misshaped for a moment? Why you forgot to call your Mother when you said that you would? Tonight, really made me think. Yes, I was at the bar again. Yet, from the moment I locked my door to my house and started my journey to my bar, things seemed different.
I looked at people in a different light, odors lost their appeal, I couldn't help but hear people's voices in the background. Colors seemed more vibrant! Red, wasn't a dark crimson, it was exploding with a bouquet of love! Yellow didn't scream of a cowardly weakness, I saw birds flying with a smile! Why is that? No, I am not crazy or hearing voices in my head :) I think it is excitement about a transition you make in your life, and you are being encouraged by a higher power!
Ok, I make the move to a new home many miles away... Let the scene continue......
I really haven't ever been more scared in my life than what I am right now at this moment! What will I do the very first minute that I sit in my new home bored? What happens when lonliness sets in knowing that I don't know a soul of anyone in my zipcode? My addiction will tell me to find a place to drink and make more alcoholic friends. However, I know that I can't stay in my current zipcode because EVERYONE knows me. They know me as Jeff, or Gobear, the friendly alcoholic. Bigger cities have always ate my lunch, yet I feel a need to move there. Soon. Why? Death sentence? Why?
Would you all like if I started a new blog on here to where you could follow this experience? I'm serious! Starting over from ground zero! (except for my 13 year old cat. She has to tag along. I'm committed. lol) Will it be possible?
P.S.S Ok, I am the most selfish person in existence. The following is the most inspirational video ever! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fxiWx0etvs How do you get up? He did without arms or legs! He says "I will try 100 times to get up, and if I fail 100 times, if I FAIL and give up, do you think that I will ever get up? NO! But if I fail, I try again, and again, and again. But I just want you to know that it's not the end. It matters how you are going to finish. Are you going to finish strong?....pause.... And you will find that strength to get back up. Like this! (as this wonderful man with no arms or legs somehow becomes upright)... Watch this video, and then look at yourself in the mirror and continue to feel sorry for yourself! You will never forget this, ever.
2 comments:
I fEEL WHEN YOU DISCOVER FOR REAL THAT YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC THAT IT MAKES SENSE TO HOW YOU HAD BEEN FEELING ABOUT YOURSELF.
We need to look after our heads and our thoughts- its the most important thing.
We need to mind ourselves because we are so important to ourselves and to others- even though we may not feel it at the time.
Recovery is a life process- but all we have is life so,take your time and do it at your pace and be good to yourself. Remember one day leads to another day leads to another day and so on ...... if you can get through the first 24 hours- you are laughing!
I am an alcoholic and I stopped drinking 10 years ago- I dont know if my head is completely sober yet, though!Giving up alcohol is the easy bit if you really want to live- staying sober means looking after you and being selfish but my god its so so so worth it- doesnt matter what age you are, its a new life- good luck and remember you are loved and a higher power will hold your hand every single step of the way and you are loved
One time I fell asleep a homeless rodeo clown then woke up as a world class magician !
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