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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Making Changes In My Life

My life has been a whirlwind recently. How do alcoholics make changes in their life? They make changes that cater to their lifestyle of course. I have been trying to buck this trend, but everyone that I know whom isn't an alcoholic has rejected me.

Basically my funds are short and I'm having a hard time paying the bills. As much as I hated it, I knew that I needed a roommate to help with rent. I tried to reach out to every person that I knew that might be a positive influence in my life. They all turned away. Basically, I was left with my alcoholic friend alternatives.

Well, we are only five days in. Haven't received a penny yet. supposedly he will have the rent in 3 days (but he is broke now after getting drunk as hell on his days off). I gave him a free week, but if I get the 85 bucks (weekly cuz he cant save beyond that), it will be a miracle. He had an excuse for last week. He had to take a day off of work to move his TEN boxes of crap.. Took two hours and he was at the bar the rest of the day. Now, I guess he lost 30 bucks in a transaction at his work somehow. I have known this guy for 15 years, but I will probably snap if he can't pay this week too, or try and get by saying "30 bucks is all I have"... I have been working 6 days a week. I'm an alcoholic, but WOW I gave trust to an alcoholic that makes me look like Mary Poppins.

I'm making changes in my life. Tomorrow I am meeting with a realtor and going to look at some condos to buy that will give me an easier monthly payment. I'm going back to college (for my second year now) in a month and need to get my life in order quickly! Roommates may work for some people, but if you have one that drinks 365 days a year to the point that he pees himself, its not conducive towards a positive life.

Like I said, I want to make changes in my life, but all of those who I thought loved me, rejected me. I feel so alone.


Anonymous said...

To Making changes in my life: I just want to say that people that loved you did not reject you. I have experienced close to me with alcoholism. It is hard to put up with someone that is out of control and keeps saying that they are going to stop.It is not rejection, it is survivel because alcoholics drain you. But, there is hope, God our Savior says that His love is sufficient, He is your source of peace, your salvation.Seek Him and you will find HIm and He will give you rest. I am sure when you are truely recovered and not touching alcohol, your family, and close friends will be there. If not, God's love is sufficient.

Anonymous said...

OH my god your living my life. I just moved into my own place. I am a in recovery. I had trouble with my last roommate things are soo much better now that I am living alone. Like you said much more conducive, it basically intrudes on your whole life when your trying to be healthy and someone is bringing you down.

Anonymous said...

My exbf is an alcoholic. I HAD to leave him. I did not want to leave him-I did not want to reject him. But HE NEEDS TO HIT BOTTOM.

It is only when you alcoholics realize you have no other choices, and that your life has become a living hell and everyone has left, do you have hope of changing. Otherwise those of us who stay, end up enabling you by feeling obligated to do the things for you that you cannot do for yourself in your drunken state.

You have NO idea how horrible it is to watch a loved one do what you're doing. It's the most painful gut-wrenching experience.

THe people who left you still love you. They just had no choice. Hopefully they will be there when you choose to get sober. I hope you do choose that-it is the only way to health and happiness. Right now, you are choosing DEATH.

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