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Sunday, February 13, 2011

Alcoholic, Tired of Alcoholism. i'm so tired. Sleep

 I am tired of being an alcoholic.. Alcoholism has drained me of all strength and I just want to sleep!

As a child I have ran mini marathons. I rode 52 miles on a bicycle for charity until my butt was so sore I could barely walk! (cystic fibrosis). I would exercise just to feel the endorphins. Alcoholism is more exhausting than any other hurdle I have faced. 

You wake up like you have been punched in the face. You wonder why your heart is beating out of your chest when you only want to make it to the restroom.  As a man, you sit to pee, just so you can lower your head with your elbows on your knees.

I'm an alcoholic, and I'm tired of alcoholism...  I wish that i was in a state of sleep right now, but I'm just drunk and tired.

They say you just get "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired"....  Well, hand me a program. 

Actually I love alcohol...... "F" am I doomed? 

I pray that someone, a force, a being, will lift my addiction. 

I have curiosity in me, you, him, and her. I have questions! I'm so tired. I'm tired of alcoholism, and I'm tired of being an alcoholic.   I have no idea who will ever read this, and I apologize if it doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me at the moment. I thank you just for taking the time to read a little bit into my lil disease..  I want to sleep for a lil while. Peace my friends.


rubyred3rdfloor said...

it makes perfect sense to me , I am an alcoholic in recovery for over 4 years, the obsession to drink has been lifted but it took me getting honest with myself about myself. My brother died at 44 (15 years ago) from liver disease, it wa hard to watch but it didnt stop me, I kept drinking ... for another 15 years , it was only when I could no longer astand the pain and my life did i crawl into the rooms of AA and I STAYED, important point. It was hard and painful but I got honest bout who I was and I have a great Life today .Yes a LOT happened in the last 4 years but I haven't had to pick up over it. I have my dignity again and I learning to truly love myself . I will keep you in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Hi Friend
I know your feeling well, spew during the nite ?? just to make space for more?? been there man, been sober for 5 weeks now its not as hard as it seems. focus on what you want, you have already beaten half the battel by being sick and tired of it, coz face it dude it gets old. do yourself a favour go see a quack(doctor) I am in South African we call em quacks, tell him what you plan to do, coz believe me by day three you may not even be able to write your own name the withdrawals are that bad without his help. Ask him to give you a shot of vit B12 complex daily for 3 days if you get them there ask him for adco-alzam 0.5mg tabs three times a day and then adco-zolpidem one at night. follow this up with a good multivitamin and liver pep for a few weeks bro you will be right as rain. then go get involved in the AA and stay for a while. YOU CAN BEAT THIS

Alcohol Rehab New York said...

Alcoholism is a result of imbalanced and/or deficient neurotransmitters in the reward pathway to the brain, caused by deficiencies in nutrients, a poor diet, allergies, hypoglycemia, environmental toxins, child abuse and neglect, and hypothyroidism. Treatment programs need to provide services that restore dignity to clients, support a return to healthier, more productive lifestyles, and provide programs to prevent relapse and and assist the families of the clients. Therefore, Seafield treatment programs include inpatient rehabilitation, detox, day treatment, intensive outpatient treatment, group and individual sessions, a structured family program and recovery housing for adult men and women.

DM said...

I understand how you feel. I have been a heavy drinker (6-10) drinks a day for several years after my ex-fiance left. I can never go more than 3 days without alcohol before I want to throw a brick through a window and scream at everyone I see. It's a curse.

f2323138-e09f-11e0-af0d-000bcdca4d7a said...


Once you get to that point there is no turning back. You have to realize that you are powerless or alcohol and that you cannot remove this obsession/ compulsion without the help of a higher power. I've been in the rooms for almost 5 months now and I already chair meeting on Friday nights. I started drinking when I was only 12 and like they say "This is a progressive disease." Drinking led into all sorts of drugs but I was able to "kick" them by myself but the urge always came back when I was drunk. I tired to do this by myself but I was no match over this "cunning, baffeling, powerful" disease. For you to make it you need to get in touch with sponsor, the rooms, but most of all a hihger power. This maybe anything you want it to be. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.

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