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Friday, February 25, 2011

GOD, I'm pissed at you! I'm not even sure you are there

 God I'm Pissed At You

I feel defeated, and out of breath. Each time I try, something / someone (is it you?) kicks my feet out right out from under me! Why? Do you have a sense of humor? Am I at your expense to meet those needs? Well, you know what? I'm "f'in" tired.  You need to move on and "f" with someone else!

I've paid my dues, you need to take a step back for a moment. I've been living most of my life in quicksand, so stop wrapping weights around my ankles! Would you fucking stop it and let me get out of the sand? Would you stop sprinkling happy dust on people that don't deserve it? GOD, I'm pissed at you!

So, you have given me free will? Ok, fine... great... thanks... That would be freaking great, if you didn't give me the wonderful gift of addiction since I was a damn kid! Thank's a lot GOD! Are you there? Are you a selective GOD on who you give your attention to? Have I not tithed enough for you? Damn, you piss me off. I'm not sure that your listening or if your even there.

I've thought about you a lot over the years. I made it in to Church a few times. I've gotten down on my knees and have knelt by my bed to try to talk to you. I've read your book, and I've bragged about you!  Are you there? 

What have I done that has angered you so much? What do I have to do to make things right? Body blow, upper cut, right hook, I'm down for the count! Thanks GOD.


Anonymous said...

you still boozin?

Author of this site said...

I sure was last night when I wrote this page. I was apparently in a self loathing, feeling sorry for myself state of mind. I hope God isn't too pissed at me for unleashing pent up anger! Yes, I was pretty wasted.

cynthia said...

God's not mad at you, he's a loving compassionate being who is leading you , just try to listen. No one said this would be easy but its so worth it to come out of the darkness, you have no idea what Life you could really have till you show some willingnss, find a AA meeting and GO. i am praying for you .

author of this site said...

Thanks for your thoughts Cynthia. Much appreciated. I appreciated the prayers too.. I need all I can get sometimes :)

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