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Friday, November 7, 2008

Crossing That Invisible Line

An Alcoholics Brain
Every alcoholic is different, with different triggers, reasons, and behaviors associated with alcohol. Just speaking for myself, I can say that I have this "invisible line" (while drinking) that has a downward slippery slope on the other side. If I stay on one side (the controlled drinking side), I can totally function like a "normal" person in society. I can put down my drink at any time, go to bed at a decent hour, and be productive the next day.

So what happens when I just take one small step onto the other side of the line? Well, the declining slippery slope on the other side of the line just takes the feet out from under me and I ride (drink) that slope all the way to the bottom. There isn't any way that I can stop myself from drinking until I reach the bottom.

So, why do I cross that invisible line? Well "taking the ride" after crossing the invisible line can be exhilarating. It can take away your pain. It can help you forget your problems. It can give you courage when it seems as if you didn't have any. Crossing the invisible line gives you temporary reprieve from the problems in your life. A TEMPORARY reprieve. The problems will still be there waiting for you (plus a few more added on). The courage that you felt after crossing that line has left you, and you feel more vulnerable than ever. That exhilarating buzz that you had, has been replaced with a headache, dehydration, and a fatigued body, mind, and spirit.

So what lies within an alcoholic that urges them to cross the line of no return? An alcoholic is addicted to the release that crossing over the line gives them. We all have different reasons to feed this addiction, so I can only speak for myself. I'm an alcoholic that has difficulty releasing all of my problems, fears, and anxieties of everyday life. I seem to throw them all in a glass bottle and put a cork in the top. Alcohol serves as some kind of a bottle opener for me that releases everything that I have stored in the bottle. The only problem is, it doesn't take me long to fill that glass bottle back up, and the need to "medicate" myself is back on my doorstep once again.

I think an alcoholic just has to decide when they are just too tired, beat up, and exhausted to cross that line anymore. Crossing the line and taking the ride to the bottom really takes a toll on the body. The ride down isn't smooth, straight, and without obstacles. There are bumps, holes, and sharp turns with jagged edges that leave you battered, confused, and disoriented. When will I be tired of crossing that line? I can't answer that. Yet.

I think my next post will be about the things I do to try to offset the damages that drinking does to my body. Damage control! You might find it interesting.

Eating for Recovery: The Essential Nutrition Plan to Reverse the Physical Damage of Alcoholism

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