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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Surrounding Your Life Around Your Addiction

Alcoholic In A Bar
What do I mean by surrounding your life around your alcohol addiction? I mean that you frame your daily activities, your work life, and your sleeping patterns around making sure you still have time to get drunk.

I am employed at a job that I "conveniently" clock out at 10:30 PM. This means that I still have 2 hours to drink in a bar before the bar closes, and then continue drinking for several more hours after I get home. I rationalize to myself that not getting to a bar until 11:00 PM, keeps me sober enough to drive home (or walk because I live right next to a bar), and even if I stay up till 5:00 in the morning, I can sleep off the ensuing hangover until 3:00 in the afternoon.

If I had a job where I worked an 8-5:30 shift, trouble would undoubtedly follow. The type of alcoholic that I am makes leaving a bar or putting down my beer nearly impossible if I happen to be having a good time. If I went straight to a bar after I got off of work at 5:30 PM I would have 7 hours of potential drinking on my hands. Not only would that be expensive, I also would be entirely too drunk to drive a vehicle. With me that would be a scary, and potential game of Russian Roulette.

I'm such a mess that when I move to a new location, the location of a bar within walking distance takes priority over so many other factors that should be much more of an important factor. To somebody that doesn't suffer from alcoholism, it is very hard for them to understand a thinking process such as this. There are many types of alcoholics. This is just one example of some of the craziness that goes on within my head.

I have taken jobs that really don't have much of a future, solely to cater to my alcoholism. Many alcoholics function and even thrive in high profile jobs. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, police officers, etc.... I am not one of those types of alcoholics. I really feel as if I have underachieved my entire life, and all the dreams of my childhood have remained unfulfilled. Alcoholism can (and will) steal your dreams, ruin your health, and rob you of your ambition.. If I could snap my fingers and make the demons go away, I would. Still searching for a way.

Thanks for reading today's post about my battles with alcoholism, and why I do the things I do regarding my alcohol habit. You don't have to agree or disagree with anything that I have to say. We are all different human beings, and the way we think about issues is unique with each individual.

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