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Friday, January 22, 2010

Angels In Your Life

Another day of addiction, and another day of darkness right? Not exactly. I had a friend that thought about me tonight. He didn't tell me to stop killing myself, just a comforting hand that said that "you really don't have to." It meant so much as I was drinking and fueling my sickness. For that special person I thank them for that.

When you are hurting and someone takes interest in your pain, you don't quite feel so alone. It seems to give you a little more strength to that squeeze in your handshake. You feel more confident to regain a smile that's been vacant for so long. When an Angel comes inside your life and is standing behind your back, you feel that you are fully equipped and able to stand up to the demons that hold you back. You don't feel quite so scared. You will still be scared, don't get me wrong, the fear lies by your side. Yet the confidence to squeeze your muscles, look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you can overcome is intensified.

When you face addiction and have a continuous battle within your own soul, it feels so nice when you have an Angel that believes in you! You can disappoint yourself, your loved ones, but you know the sun will inevitably shine come morning. When you have an Angel, you can still smile. Angels give you hope. They literally can put wings on your back and uplift you!

Angels come in to your life in an instant, some delay the showcase of their supernatural talents, and some have always been there. You just have to have the capability of letting them into your life. They are there for you.

I'm a mess, but knowing I have Angels gives me strength to battle my demons tomorrow. Notice how I say "demons" in lower case letters. They don't deserve upper case letters. Let them lie in muck. They don't deserve you, me, or anyone else on this Earth.


Chad said...

King Solomon was a very wise teacher and one day he was walking along the river with one of his students. Solomon asked the boy, "What is it that you really want out of life"? And the boy said "wisdom". Solomon then grabbed the boy by the head and dunked his head into the river. He then asked the boy, "What is it that you want out of life"? And the boy said "wisdom". Solomon then grabbed the boy by the head again and held his head under the water for much longer this time. When he brought the boy up he was gasping for air. He then asked the boy a third time. "What is it that you really want and the boy said "air". The very wise teacher then looked at the boy and said, "When you want wisdom as much as you want air then you will have it." When an alcoholic wants to quit drinking and wants to start a new and different life he will.

Chad said...

I read through your last couple of posts and made a few notes and wanted to throw a couple of things out there to truly think about. One thing you said is "What I can't do is turn down alcohol (If I have been drinking in a setting.) What about if you removed yourself from the setting. What if you decided to not enter establishments that have alcohol. Another thing you said is that you feel lost. When someone is lost they ask for directions. The only thing is that you need to know where you are going before you get the directions to go there. So I challenge you to sit down and write out a detailed picture of what you would like your life to look like in 5 years. Where would you live? Where would you work? What charities would you like to give too? How much? Where would you like to take your daughter on vacation too? What date will you receive your college degree? When you can answer these questions and have them written down on paper then you will have a destination. Then you need directions. I strongly recommend this book by Paul J. Meyer entitled Fortune, Family and Faith. It has been instrumental in helping me in my journey.
Another thing you mentioned is that "you were fueling your sickness". Remember that you can choose to not fuel the sickness. Many before you have. The demaons don't operate very long without fuel. Let your own words be your own fuel (the desire to not "feel bad, hangovers, distorted feeling, loss of ambition, physical ailments and crying to sleep.) The demons will leave and go find another person to torment. You also said Jeff, "I am not weak". I believe this. There has always been a lot of strength in you. I have always known that you would be extremely successful in life. The only thing holding you back my friend is alcohol. The good thing is that it only takes 3-5 years to go to the top. I have faith that you will make it there. Make no mistake though, alcohol will ruin your life if you allow it to. I'll always be here to assist you in your journey.

Anonymous said...

your friend Chad is correct. you need some tough love. he is giving you some sound answers, however, we know that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. are you ready?

Concerned, but skeptical said...

Demons are a tool of the devil, I agree. So rebuke & rebuke again. However, I believe its our choice to continue on with our addictions. i.e. cigarettes, in Your mind is my "demon". Wrong. I choose to make cigarettes my demon. I choose to buy them. I choose to light them and I choose to smoke them.
Do I really really really want to quit? Somedays Yes, those are the days I smoke alot less or not at all. Then other days I say "I love to smoke", and smoke alot.
Are cigarettes an addiction? I believe so, however, when I choose to stop, does that mean I never really had a demon to fuel, or does that mean I was always in control?

Anonymous said...

I too have had many come into my life...old ones..the caring they display is enough to make you break down. It's brutal.....however...unless one is an alcoholic, it is very hard to understand the complexity and seriousness of this addiction. I question anyone who is not an addict that give's advice. They don't understand. Just yesterday I told my wife that my guts were wrenching in the cravings for alcohol. I felt physical pain from my cravings. I smoke too....and the cravings for nicotine aren't even close. I too am a practicing alcoholic and I can relate completely to this blogs author. We are both in the same stage of battle.....


Chad said...

To the last anonymous person. I am a recovered alcoholic. Drank at least 5 days a week for over 10 years. I remember the pains. I remember the cravings. It's all about changing out the medicine. The easy fix is the habitual drink fest. There is also exercise, fasting, prayer. I even used anger. Just add up the expenses associated with alcohol, (the beer, the fines, the hangover medicine, the lost work.) It doesn't take long to get mad at Mr. Alcohol. At one point I went months without drinking and one night I was singing with my band at a gig and just opened the flood gates. I finally learned that I needed a change of scenery and even a change of associations. It is so true that we are the sum of the 5 peope we hang out with the most. Hanging out with other alcoholics or even social drinkers is impossible when trying to quit. Now my wife and I have a 1 and 3 rule. I sometimes have 1 drink with dinner and never more then 3 in any setting. I also don't drink at least 4 days a week. It took a good two years to get to where I am though from where I was.
Trust me when I say that if I can do it, anyone can do it. I used to hang with the guy doing this blog every weekend for about 3 years. We could drink a twelve pack at the age of 16 and usually just kept going until all of the beer was gone. Even if that meant drinking someone elses half empty with a cigarette butt in it.

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