OMG, I'm still alive. Despite myself, Alcoholism

Hey, strangers...  You may have forgotten about me, or may have just left me for dead. Or may just not care. I get all three scenerios.  I've been better, been worse, been hopeful, been desolate, been there, been gone.  Yep... Been there.

Yep, I'm drunk right now. What do you want me to say? Let you know how I failed again? Nahhhh, you know that already.  Sobriety is kinda lame.  I mean really.... Tried it.  Somewhat boring to tell you the truth.

So, let me get this straight.  We all get one life.  We all agree on that right?  At the end of our one life, we die...  We still on the same page?  Hope so...  What gives ANYONE the right to say what is right or wrong in this very finite space that we have?  I don't get it... When someone takes a grandiose position on me or how I live it makes me laugh. 

I can smell a rose and taste the flavors behind each petal...  You can't do that when your a retard drone.  I can lay in grass and stare at the moonlight.  Without your judgement? No...  Yes, I want acceptance.....   why do we all want to be accepted?  We just do.

Without alcohol, I feel dull. Creativity dies.  Colors don't seem bright.  What am I to do? Walk around in a dull world without bright colors?  I can do that, but life isn't fun when I do so :(

Alcoholics Need To Listen To Their Bodies

Alcoholics Don't Listen To their Bodies

If you are an alcoholic, you have put your body through turmoil.  You do it again, and again..  Why? Alcoholics don't (but need to) listen to their bodies.

I'm an alcoholic and have woken up out of breath to the point that I wasn't sure that I could make it to the fridge. I'm to the point where I need to make a stand. I'm at the point where I need to take heed to the words my body has given to me.

You never know where the precious words may come from. Tonight, I was just sitting at the bar..  Kinda drunk.  Someone came up and said "I've never seen anyone drink as much as you and still be "with it" "You drink two pitchers and don't even slur your speech"  I responded with "I used to drink four pitchers by myself and would drive!.... I'm doing better now... I walk home, and only drink two pitchers.."

Then they say "Your kidneys will probably give out soon"..  I responded with "Why you say that?"  They responded with "They won't have a choice... You will be passed out when your body needs fluids.. Your kidneys will work overtime... You will be oblivious to the turmoil and desperate cries that are going on in your body.  You will wake up like it was just another drunken night."

One day in the near future your liver wont produce the proper bile, you won't get proper fluids to your body. Your fingers will begin to shake...... Your moods will swing.....  You will try to fix your ailments by drinking more.  It will work..... For a short time... When it no longer works, you will get sick... Very sick..

Alcoholics out there, listen to your bodies!  You will die if you don't! I promise! I'm an alcoholic and struggling with this!  I'm not a poster on the wall, and I know what I'm talking about.. I'm "one of you, them, whoever"

Any words of wisdom would be wonderful! For me, and anyone else struggling out there. When I'm drunk I don't know how to "SEO (search engine optimization) a page. If you like this, or think it may help someone, please forward and link to my site :). Thank You!   Love your forever, and ever, and ever!

A Practicing Alcoholics 12 Steps To Destruction Program

A Practicing Alcoholics 12 Steps To Destruction Program

Many people are familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program that has helped millions of people to live their lives free from alcoholic day by day.  I have been to AA many times but haven't quite been able to grasp the program (As Of Yet!). I was emailed a "12 Steps To Destruction" program that a fellow alcoholic has been following! I feel like I could have written some of the steps myself! lol.  I've seen several others like this around the internet. Maybe others can relate as well. I think I should probably write down the "12 step to destruction program" that I've been following and really see how bad a program that it really is!

12 STEPS TO DESTRUCTION

Written by Unknown

1. I decided I could handle alcohol, if other people would just quit trying to run my life.

I have to admit, it has been hard for me to ever think that I am powerless over alcohol. Every time I come across a hardship that was the direct result from alcohol, it was usually someone else's fault! Ya, right.

2. I firmly believe that there is no greater power than myself, and anyone who says it isn't so is insane.

I have felt this from time to time as well. It's sometimes hard to think that there is some "supreme force" that is in control of everything. The "Everything happens for a reason" is a concept I've never been able to accept. Too many "F'ed" up things happen to too many wonderful people, far too often.

3. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God, who didn't understand me anyway.

I haven't ever intentionally decided to remove myself from God. Sometimes I do feel a lil neglected from God however. Doesn't seem like my prayers get answered at times.

4. I made a searching and thorough moral inventory of everyone I knew, so they couldn't fool me and take advantage.

Can't really relate to all of this one. I have some wonderful people in my life that would love to help me in any way possible. However, as an alcoholic I have been hanging around with a lot of wrong people for most of my life. They don't fool me in any way. I know them for what they are, yet at times I still choose their company.. Doesn't make much sense huh?


5. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit to me, by God, the exact nature of their defects of character.

Nah, they don't have to admit their defects to me. They showcase them daily.

6. I became willing to help these people get rid of their defects of character.

No, I joined them and willingly participated right along with them

7. I became humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcomings.

Why would I ever want them to remove their shortcomings? Who would I have to drink with?

8. I made a list of all the people who had harmed me, and waited patiently for a chance to get even with them all.

I've never made out a list, but there's a few that I've thought about :)

9. I got even with these people whenever possible, except when to do so would get me into trouble also.

 If I knew that nothing wouldn't be tracked back to me, I'm ashamed to admit (ok, more than a few) that vengeance would seem gratifying at the time.

10. I continued to take everybody's inventory and when they were wrong, which was most of the time, promptly made them admit it.

I'd like to think that I don't, but I probably do.

11. I sought through concentration of my will-power to get God, who didn't understand me anyway, to see that my ideas were best and He ought to give me the power to carry them out.

Yep, I've did this for sure. Many times I wished that God would go along with my plan.  It was a really good plan damnit!  Apparently not that good. lol

12. I have maintained my drunkenness for 25 years with these steps, and can thoroughly recommend them to other alcoholics who don't want to lose their hard-earned status as drunks, but wish to be left alone, to practice alcoholism in everything they do, for the rest of their lives.

Pretty good steps to continue drinking recklessly! I've drank for 23 years.  Maybe I should write out my own "12 Steps To Destruction" as it pertains to my life. What do you think?

Why Is My 14 yr Old Cat Staring At Me?

Why?  Because It's The Way It Is Supposed To Be

Why has my 14 (maybe 15) Cat been so concerned with my life? I dunno, but I love her to death for loving me!

"Why does my 14 year old cat keep staring at me"? She curls her body beside me. Why does she keep staring at me? Is she disappointed in me?

I don't think that she is disappointed....., but I think I know why some people are!

I think my old cat has seen the rain falling off the eyelids of someone dear to me. Someone who I may, or may have not have met. Yet, somehow she remains concerned about me.

I think my old cat see's my tears and is here for just a lil bit longer for a purpose. I'm not sure if she is here to comfort my pain, or be my strength when I feel that I have none. My old cat feels like God, and maybe she is! Who is to say that she isn't? Maybe God is speaking through her?

What if my cat is GOD? Speaking, or maybe just comforting me? Maybe GOD understands the pain that I feel, and shows me some mercy from time to time. Who knows, but that "Eternal Embrace" pic is freaking awesome, and that's for sure.

I am an Alcoholic.. sure.. I'm not a stupid one tho!

Where can you go to find smart alcoholics who drink themselves into oblivion, but not lose themselves? I "dunno". Where can you atleast go and drink amongst other losers who have a thought? A thought all to their own?

I dunno.. When it's quiet....... when......your mind calls to you..... When, you don't want to answer,,,, but you do.... when your brain says no, yet you say "look at my tears" as you accept the program.

I love... I just don't know. I understand though. I do

Have You Ever? Drunk Blog

Have You Ever?

Have you ever questioned why you were born? Maybe contemplate why you were meant to be on this Earth?

Have you ever been in a bar (I'm good at this one!) and feel the pain of people that you don't even know?

Have you ever taken a moment... A pause.... to really try to relate in your mind to what a stranger maybe experiencing inside their heart?  Have you ever stopped to lay down your inner selfish defense system to think.... well..... just to think?

I apologize to the few people that have taken the time out of their day to read my blog and then I post gibberish.  I realize that there is no incentive to read about some drunk. (other than maybe reaffirming your decision not to drink anymore!). I thank some of you that have sent me kind and uplifting messages. I thank everyone who has sent me (in my goofy mind) critical and aggressively cruel messages.  They have all been positive in my mind..

Have you EVER? Maybe just for a moment?  Probably.......  Ya, me too ;)

I think that my mind is moving in the right direction..  I think that prayers are being answered.  I think that I don't know as much as I think I do sometimes.  I think that a sunrise is pretty, but every one that I've seen for years has been when I was drunk and really couldn't appreciate the beauty :)  I think, I'm going to lay down and dream of the inner happiness that will fulfill me someday soon :) Thanks friends.  G-Nite.

Investing In Yourself and Taking A Chance? - Alcoholics Question

 Investing In Yourself and Taking A Chance?

An Alcoholics Question

Well, for a quick recap for those that aren't aware, here is the situation summed up in a sentence or two. I'm an Alcoholic of 23 years (I'm 38), been on temporary unemployment for 2 months, and supposed to go back to work in 3 days.

Here is the situation, and I would love advice and comments! I really, really, would! I have been at a job for 4 years, that has never given me a single raise. It's a 10 month a year job (I live in a tourist town that shuts down for a couple months) that pays me 9 bucks an hour. During my layoff, my goal was to  make enough money restarting my computer business (I've made extra income off of this for years) to not go back to this dead end job. Well, it has been a success to some degree.. Yet, it hasn't been enough of a success to where I can just quit my "steady, yet shitty" paycheck.  The question is, have you ever taken a scary chance by investing in yourself? Should I (history of being a mess at times) go back to this dead end job, or should I work 15 hours a day getting my business profitable enough to be a success?

I know that if I'm spending 10 hours a day at my deadend job, I will never get past "just getting by".. Yet, it's scary when my computer business right now is only making about half of what I need to get by! BUT, I'm confident that 2 more months of "slave to the grind" work ethic will get me there!  I've already made up my mind, but I'm scared as hell. I suffer from alcoholism, and it gets in the way of my goals all too often. I'm risking security, to be a success at doing something that makes me happy. Should you be investing in yourself and taking a chance when you have a history of alcoholism, and screwing up? Well, it should be an interesting journey. I'll make my way to the local library to give updates if I have too! LOL...

People have cussed me out through email, called me weak, a coward........ basically for having an addiction. For you peeps, suck it! I don't care what you think. Many have given me constructive criticism which I really think about! Thank You!  You really help me.

I will be investing in myself and I will be taking a chance..  Whats the worst thing that could happen? Go back to being a poor ass alcoholic?  I'll take my chances. My dead end job doesn't bring any excitement to my soul. My home, self generated business does. When you have passion for something, you have incentive to meet your goal that won't fade in time. Pressure and time. There is nothing that can stop you if you apply pressure, and keep applying pressure for time!  Invest in yourself and take a chance. You can never fail if you try. It may not work out, but the only failures are the ones that don't try. Invest in yourself!

Ernest Hemingway Quotes About Alcoholism

Ernest Hemingway Quotes about Alcoholism

Ernest Hemingway was one of the greatest writers and he lived a fascinating life full of troubles, accidents, depression, alcoholic binges, and failed relationships. If your an alcoholic or just want to read about a brilliant yet troubled man, I would strongly suggest checking out this Ernest Hemingway Biography! Alcoholism can strike the young, the old, the brilliant, the troubled,  the rich, and the poor. I picked up this book, only knowing a few details about Ernest Hemingway. I heard stories that he was a heavy drinker, gambled too much, loved cats, and was a great writer. That's about all I knew, but that was enough for me to open up this book and read about a brilliant writer who shared some of the same issues as I do. It was very compelling, and hard to put down.. 5 stars on a 5 star scale for me!!

Here Are Quotes Written By Ernest Hemingway About Alcoholism

1. "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut"

2. "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. "
 
Ernest Hemingway

3. "Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it....don't cheat with it"
 
Ernest Hemingway.

4. "Wine is the most civilized thing in the world."

5. "Write drunk; edit sober."  

If you know of any of any other quotes from Ernest Hemingway please send them to alcoholicsmind@gmail.com 

Related :

Famous Alcoholic Quotes

Favorite Famous Alcoholic Quotes

Favorite Famous Alcoholic Quotes

Today I'm going to compose a list of my top favorite top ten "Famous Alcoholic Quotes". Not exactly sure why they are my favorites, but considering that I'm a practicing alcoholic I feel that I can relate to these quite well.

Famous Alcoholic Quotes

1."  Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. " 

Written by 

Lucius Annaeus Seneca 

I can definitely relate with this one. One of the few diseases that many people actively pursue and willingly feed.

2. " I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler. "

Written by 

George Bernard Shaw

I can relate to this one because after I have started this blog, many people have sent me emails preaching from their pulpit, when I'm sure they have a whole closet full of skeletons that they keep locked away.

3. " It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. "

Written By
George Burns

I'm willing to bet that I don't live to be 100 like George Burns did if I keep drinking like a lush!

4." When money's tight and hard to get
And your horse is also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN. "
Written By

Flann O'Brien

Not quite sure what kind of drink a "Pint of Plain" is, but alcoholics do often find that the only thing / person that doesn't leave them is their relationship with the bottle!

5. "  A man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry."
Bible
Ecclesiastes 8.15

Does this quote give me the permission to drink without the guilt?

6. " Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"
  Written By,

Eleanor Early

7. " This beer is good for you. This is draft beer. Stick with the beer. Let's go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer."

Written By,
Ernest Hemingway

8. "  Wine hath drowned more men than the sea."

Written By,

Thomas Fuller

9. " People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. "

Ann Landers

10. " Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to play. "

Written By,

Joyce Rebeta-Burditt

Related :


Ernest Hemingway Quotes About Alcoholism

If you have a favorite quote about alcoholics or alcoholism please send them to alcoholicsmind@gmail.com or leave them in the comment box below. If you are new to this blog, be sure to sign up and / or follow this blog. It is about a practicing alcoholic that struggles with alcoholism on a day to day perspective. 

Time is Short!! Steve Goodman Videos, Songs

If you have read my posts in the past, you are probably thinking "here he goes again, on his oh pity, oh poor me" rants... You may be right. I haven't figured out anything past my fingers pressing buttons at the moment ;)

We all only have a short time on this earth, but instead of just trying to fit all of your "living" into your life while your still sucking air (it's a very short time in the grand scheme of things), why not do something that will live on, well beyond you? It only takes one person to inspire another. I'm inspired today in 2011 by a special soul that died in 1984.. I never knew him in 2010.., 2009, 2008, or before.... A month ago, he had no existence or life in my mind...  Just goes to show, leave something for someone, they may pick it up and carry it on for you!

This guy in the video below is named Steve Goodman, and he was known by putting out a few tunes, and writing songs for other artists that became much well more known.. He wrote "Do you even know me by my name" , which David Allen Coe made popular, "I'm my own Grandpa", which someone made popular, (no idea who), and a few others that many would be familiar with.

What struck me, and drew me in to his presence is that after I listened and watched a few of his videos, he seemed like a man who was meant to pass a torch. A soul that was meant to breath life into others. He died at 36 years old. Cancer. Some of his video's had to have been shortly before he died.  Here is the song he wrote below "Dying Cub Fans Last Request"

You don't even have to be a Cubs fan to appreciate his love for baseball, and life in general. You could hate sports with a passion and get this video. If you LOVED politics, you could be asking to be laid to rest on the front lawn of the White House.... Or whatever.  He loved his Cubbies, and thats something he was passionate about.  He was strumming the chords to his guitar in the left field bleachers of Wrigley Field. What can you say?  A man in a Cub's jersey till his dying day..


"Your the girl I love" Steve Goodman Video

Maybe I don't know a thing, but if one single person listens to me, then my words don't fade away to silence..

Pretty cool shit huh? Wouldn't you want to be around a campfire with this guy?

City of New Orleans, Steve Goodman Video

City of New Orleans

How many  legends sang this song? Johnny Cash, Judy Collins, and originally Arlo Guthrie had the proud privilege to sing his song... They took it mainstream, but Steve Goodman is the artist, the writer, the poet, and to some like me, the legend.  People will come across your life.. They aren't dust in the wind. Acknowledge the greatness that you see in your life. Pass it on to others.

Talk Backwards, Steve Goodman Video

The song below "Talk Backwards" is just too clever. Check it out.


I'm going to stop my post for the day, but considering that it's March, and that I'm a die hard Cubs fan, I'm going to end this with one more Steve Goodman song tribute..... A Cubs song he wrote, and sang... A Cubs song that has became a song that has entrenched itself into Wrigley Field's nostalgic history. "Go Cubs Go" You simply can't leave in the seventh inning when there is the possibility of 40,000 people singing in unison to STEVE GOODMAN'S "GO CUBS GO" tune!

Steve Goodman, Go Cubs Go Video

Wow, I totally forgot this was an alcoholics blog. I got carried away, and it wasn't fueled by booze! Very cool!

Famous Quotes About Alcoholics and Alcoholism

 Famous Quotes About Alcoholics and Alcoholism

Today I'm going to talk about some famous quotes about alcoholics and alcoholism.  There are many that I can directly relate to, and some that may pertain to you! Or maybe your not an alcoholic, but you can relate with them because maybe your mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, friend, or lover is!

Directly or indirectly, alcoholism affects nearly every family around the country in some way (or around the world for that matter!). If you have some favorite quotes, or quotes that you have written yourself that you would like to be discussed send them to alcoholicsmind@gmail.com. Be sure to sign up to have this blog sent to your email or follow it on the feed. The links to subscribe to this blog are posted on the right side of the page.

"Famous Quotes About Alcoholics and Alcoholism"


Ernest Hemingway Alcoholism Quotes

A torchlight procession marching down your throat.

The Quote was Written by John Louis O'Sullivan

I sure can relate to this one. I fully understand what alcohol is doing to me, but with each sip and swallow the alcohol slides down my throat and soothes my yearning belly.

It's as if soldiers of destruction are lined up and in a uniformed progression marching step in step on their way into my body. Once they are there they disperse into different parts of my body with their swords unsheathed. Onward march, they disperse..... Some head to my liver to unleash poison, others continue on their way to the hidden passageways to my brain to disable reasonable thought and coordination capabilities.

A torchlight procession is right! An army of destruction that I welcome into my body because it's easier to give up control to those little soldiers that know exactly what they are doing! They will turn off the switches that regulate my fear, anxiety, and social inhibition. I think that's their little tactic to turn out the lights in my brain so they can sneak around my body and destroy in the dark. Like a thief in the night.

------------------------

Can anyone else relate to the alcoholic quote "A Torchlight Procession Marching Down Your Throat"? Please share your comments. I, as well as others would love to hear your thoughts. People often accuse me of romanticizing alcoholism on this blog. I don't think I have. It's wrecked my life in many ways. It does have it's "romantic" qualities however. Why else do you think that so many of us become addictive to it? Why else is it glorified on television and nearly every other social function in the world? Disagree? Tell me about it teatotalers. Preach from the pulpit! ;)

Leave a comment, follow the blog, or email me.  Be safe everyone. I'll be back soon, with more exciting thoughts. Maybe they will be written in state of sobriety like I am at this moment! Then again, maybe not..... Ohhh, the intrigue.....

GOD, I'm pissed at you! I'm not even sure you are there

 God I'm Pissed At You

I feel defeated, and out of breath. Each time I try, something / someone (is it you?) kicks my feet out right out from under me! Why? Do you have a sense of humor? Am I at your expense to meet those needs? Well, you know what? I'm "f'in" tired.  You need to move on and "f" with someone else!

I've paid my dues, you need to take a step back for a moment. I've been living most of my life in quicksand, so stop wrapping weights around my ankles! Would you fucking stop it and let me get out of the sand? Would you stop sprinkling happy dust on people that don't deserve it? GOD, I'm pissed at you!

So, you have given me free will? Ok, fine... great... thanks... That would be freaking great, if you didn't give me the wonderful gift of addiction since I was a damn kid! Thank's a lot GOD! Are you there? Are you a selective GOD on who you give your attention to? Have I not tithed enough for you? Damn, you piss me off. I'm not sure that your listening or if your even there.

I've thought about you a lot over the years. I made it in to Church a few times. I've gotten down on my knees and have knelt by my bed to try to talk to you. I've read your book, and I've bragged about you!  Are you there? 

What have I done that has angered you so much? What do I have to do to make things right? Body blow, upper cut, right hook, I'm down for the count! Thanks GOD.

Drunk Stories - Have You Ever Woken Up and Not Know Where Your At?

To break away from the "darker side" of alcoholism and talking about my life as a practicing alcoholic I'm going to answer some questions that I've been asked, or have thought about in my messed up head. If you have any drunk stories of yourself that pertain to the topic at hand, feel free to leave a comment or send me a message and I can post it for you on the Web.

Have You Ever Woken Up and Not Where Your at?

First of all, if you are having or have had blackouts from drinking that's not a good thing and you should ask yourself some serious questions about your drinking habits. Are you an alcoholic? Do you suffer from alcoholism? Do you need help or rehabilitation? Ok, there's my disclaimer and to keep the "teatotaler police" from sending me emails about "romanticizing" alcoholism.. Ok, on with my drunk story....

I have woken up and not know where I was at quite a few times, but today I'll just share one drunk story in particular that comes to mind.

Quite a few years back I went to visit a friend of mine who I grew up with and went to high school with until he moved away to another town. Of course whenever we got together drinking was going to be involved. The thought of going to visit and checking out a movie would have been absurd, right?

Well, it all started off great and we were reminiscing about old times, and knocking a few cold ones down. We ended up going to a karaoke bar and were having a great time. He got up and sang karaoke, he introduced me to his "girl friends", and was having a good time hanging out. Soon after we started bar hopping and the booze was starting to flow.

The night was beginning to turn into a "blur". People I didn't know were buying shots, and before I knew it the lights were coming on and they were calling for "last call". Considering that me and my friend are both alcoholics and we didn't want the night to end we had to decide what we were going to do next. Considering he lived in a college town there were plenty of college parties going on. We hit a few dorm parties and by then I was ten sheets to the wind. There were hundreds of people drinking way too much and it wasn't long before I lost track of my friend.

So here I was drunk in a town were I only knew one person, and I didn't have a clue where he was. Mind you, this was back before cell phones! I can't really continue on with this story after that because I blacked out so I have no idea exactly what happened after that. I can only tell you where I woke up and how we came to a conclusion of what probably happened.

The next day I woke up in the back seat of a car (in mid August!) soaked in sweat. It must have been 120-130 degrees inside the car. The windows were rolled up and inside the car was an absolute oven. I can honestly say that I could have died that day. I was in a serious stage of dehydration. I was completely dehydrated from drinking to the point of blackout and was passed out in a car with the windows rolled up in the middle of August.

I managed to open up the car door and fell outside on to the ground. Even though the outside temperature was probably 90 degrees, it felt like an ice cooler in comparison to being inside the car with the windows rolled up in mid August! I was seeing spots, and wasn't sure if I could stand up. I looked around and nothing looked familiar. I woke up and didn't know where I was at, and was ready to pass out. Not from being drunk, but from dehydration. I looked inside the car and found a water bottle that had about an inch left of blazing hot water in it. Not knowing how long it had been in there (not that I cared), I guzzled down the two swallows that it contained.

Looking around nothing seemed familiar. I didn't know where my friend was, didn't have a phone, and really didn't know where to look. I was outside of an apartment building. He could have been somewhere inside one of a hundred different apartments. I checked my pockets and luckily had a few dollars left. I took off walking towards a gas station that I spotted off in the distance. I bought the largest bottle of water that they had sucked it down and went back in to buy another one! When I walked out of the gas station a complete stranger came up to me and said "there you are!" "We were looking for you!" Apparently I was partying with this guy, we had finally found my friend, and we made it back to the apartments in separate cars.

My story has a huge gap in it, where I don't remember a thing. Till this day I wonder what actually happened that night. Whose car I was in, how I got there, and if they ever tried to get me out of the car. Those are questions that will never be answered. At least I lived to tell about it!!

............

Waking up and not knowing where your at is a pretty scary experience, and it could be a deadly one as well. Have you ever woken up and not know where your at? I would love to hear your drunk stories or answer any of your questions. Please leave a comment, ask a question, or send me your drunk stories. I'd be more than happy to post them. Please only send original content that you wrote. I don't want to by infringing on any copyright material and have to deal with all of those hassles. I'm an alcoholic and already have enough problems of my own ;)

Alcoholic, Tired of Alcoholism. i'm so tired. Sleep

 I am tired of being an alcoholic.. Alcoholism has drained me of all strength and I just want to sleep!

As a child I have ran mini marathons. I rode 52 miles on a bicycle for charity until my butt was so sore I could barely walk! (cystic fibrosis). I would exercise just to feel the endorphins. Alcoholism is more exhausting than any other hurdle I have faced. 

You wake up like you have been punched in the face. You wonder why your heart is beating out of your chest when you only want to make it to the restroom.  As a man, you sit to pee, just so you can lower your head with your elbows on your knees.

I'm an alcoholic, and I'm tired of alcoholism...  I wish that i was in a state of sleep right now, but I'm just drunk and tired.

They say you just get "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired"....  Well, hand me a program. 

Actually I love alcohol...... "F" am I doomed? 

I pray that someone, a force, a being, will lift my addiction. 

I have curiosity in me, you, him, and her. I have questions! I'm so tired. I'm tired of alcoholism, and I'm tired of being an alcoholic.   I have no idea who will ever read this, and I apologize if it doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me at the moment. I thank you just for taking the time to read a little bit into my lil disease..  I want to sleep for a lil while. Peace my friends.

Herbal Supplements for Liver and Protect against Damage, Alcoholics

 Herbal Supplements for your Liver

Protect Against Damage From Alcohol Abuse

I have been an alcoholic since I was 15 years old. 23 years later I am still an alcoholic at 38. I have quit for short periods of time throughout my life, but have always fallen off of the wagon. So until I am able to finally get it right and quit drinking altogether I have did a lot of studying about what kinds of herbal supplements support and protect liver function in Alcoholics.

First of all cirrhosis of the liver cannot be reversed, and that has always terrified me. So after doing a lot of research the best form of defense practicing alcoholics can take (other than abstaining from alcohol entirely) is to buy herbal supplements that can protect the liver from alcohol induced liver damage.  Anytime I am going to be out drinking I always take a Milk Thistle capsule to help my liver filter the toxins more efficiently. I also take one after I get home (If I'm not too wasted and forget). I then also take one the first thing when I get up the next morning.

I am sure that I will get plenty of comments like "Why don't you just stop drinking"..  Well, it's an addiction that I haven't quite been able to conquer. If you ate too much fast food, I wouldn't berate you for exercising to try and offset the damage you were doing to your body! Get it? I just had to throw that out there because I have been writing about my alcoholism on this blog since 2008. I've come to know what kinds of posts will get a response from the teatotalers out there :)

So, What is Milk Thistle?

Milk Thistle is a plant that contains a powerfull flavonoid called silymarin.  This powerful flavenoid increases bile flow which helps the liver eliminate toxins more efficiently from the liver. It's also a powerful anti inflammatory and antioxidant.

Milk Thistle has been used for over 2000 years to treat liver related diseases.  In fact did you know that hospitals keep it on hand in case someone comes after eating the deadly "deathcap mushroom". They are immediately given Milk Thistle and this increases the patients chances of survival significantly and reduces the damage done by the mushroom.

So if I could take any herbal supplement to help my liver work more efficiently and to protect myself from liver damage, I would definitely take Milk Thistle. I take it every day, and so far so good! I have actually had my liver enzymes levels checked last year and they were in the normal range. After 23 years of drinking, the Milk Thistle must have given me some benefits. Since I am not a doctor, here are a few links if you want to read more about Milk Thistle and its benefits as a herbal supplement.

• Milk Thistle as a herbal supplement for liver protection from alcohol induced damage

 http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/milk-thistle-000266.htm

•   http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/silymarin/NS_patient-milkthistle

I have also found that taking dandilion herbal supplements also protect your liver against alcohol induced damage.  I have provided both products below if you would like to supplement your diet (and your drinking) with two great herbal supplements than can help prevent liver disease in people who battle with alcoholism everyday.

Milk Thistle Capsules - Protect your Liver against damages from alcohol!

Purchase Milk Thistle and Protect Your Liver! Herbal Supplements

Order Milk Thistle and Protect Your Liver! Herbal Supplements

12 Step Alcoholics Anonymous T-Shirts - Recovery Tees

 12 Step Alcoholics Anonymous T-Shirts and Recovery Tees

View More Alcoholics Anonymous T-Shirts and Recovery Tees Like This!

 
Looking back over 23 years of drinking it has become quite clear that I could be the "poster boy" of the guy "falling off the wagon". I can't recall how many times I have quit drinking, only to give in to temptation (addiction?)..

My longest durations of "abstinence" from drinking was when I would attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It was always nice to relate with others who you could relate to. It gives you a sense of inner strength when you have the support of others. Others who understand how you feel. Others who seem to care as much or more for your recovery than you do!

Here are some 12 step, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Recovery t-shirts that I have found that you may enjoy. Actually I should probably buy a few. It wouldn't hurt to be wearing a constant reminder of my sobriety (yeah, all 20 hours of it!). If nothing else maybe some AA lifers may stumble upon my blog and leave a few comments for support.

I appreciate all of the supportive comments people have left over the past couple of years. If your new to the site, and are curious to what an alcoholics life is like then follow this blog. If you don't drink, maybe my roller coaster life will give you the incentive to never even start! Or maybe your on the wagon but have been having weak moments and are afraid that you just may fall off! Stay the course. One day at a time!

Imagine That! Me Sober

 

This is the Alcoholics Anonymous t-shirt that I am going to get. It describes me well. I am sure people have a hard time when I say that I am going to stay sober. I've said it too many times and I've lost all credibility. One of these days I'll get it right!

View 1000's More Alcoholic Anonymous T-Shirts Like These!

 

24 Hour Club, Alcoholics Anonymous Long Sleeve T-Shirt

This t-shirt was actually designed by a recovering alcoholic!

The Monkey is Off My Back, But the Circus is Still in Town!

This tee is perfect for those in the early stages of recovery!

View More 12 Step Recovery T-Shirts Like This

Alcoholics Anonymous University of Hard Knocks T-Shirt

This AA tee would be perfect for just about anyone that has suffered from alcoholism. Alcoholics live a hard life, and make lives hard on others around them.

Purchase An Alcoholics Anonymous Hard Knocks Tee Shirt
 

 12 Step Recovery T-Shirt - When All Else Fails Try The Steps

Here is a pretty smart slogan that anyone in the 12 step program could relate to! It says "The Elevator is broken, try the steps"

1000's More Alcoholics Anonymous Tees, shirts, jackets, hats, and more. 12 step recovery apparel as well. View More Alcoholics Anonymous, Recovery, and 12 Step T-Shirts

I would love to receive some comments and advice from long lasting Alcoholics Anonymous members. I can't seem to keep with the program, and each time I fall of the wagon (which is frequently) I get the same results. (I guess I just gave my self some good advice........I keep getting the same messy results every time I fall off the wagon!)

Protect Your Liver From Alcohol? Milk Thistle, Dandelion Herbs

 How can you Protect Your Liver from Alcohol?

If you have battled alcoholism like I have for more than 20 years you are also probably worried about what you are doing to your liver. Just browse through my blog and you will get a good idea of how much of a mess I am at times. It is very easy to tell which blogs I am drunk out of my mind, and at which times I am coherant and sober.

I've always been intrigued about what benefits herbs have to offer the human body, and in this case the liver! There are several herbs that I have studied about and protect the liver from alcohol abuse, poor diet, and protection from prescription pills. This is what I have found to be the two most beneficial herbs to protect the liver from alcohol:

Milk Thistle

 Milk Thistle Extract

Milk thistle is a plant that contains powerful compounds that protect the liver against harmful toxins such as alcohol. Considering that I am not a doctor of any sort, here are a few helpful links if you would like to read about some studies about how Milk Thistle can help protect your liver from alcohol.

• How Milk Thistle Protects Your Liver From Alcohol 
• How Milk Thistle Works 

Order some Milk Thistle online and protect your liver. Especially if you are an alcoholic or take prescription medication!

Dandelion

Yes, apparently all of those pesky little yellow flowers are great at protecting your liver from alcohol. Who would of thought that, right?

 Dandelion / Milk Thistle Capsules - Protect Your Liver!

Just so you don't think that I'm shamelessly pumping herbal supplements here is a pic of the milk thistle that I take everyday! I'm an alcoholic and this is one of the few sensible things that I do for my health ;) The kitty in the background is my 14 year old cat "Moo Moo"

Read More about Herbal Supplements to help protect your liver from damage caused by alcohol.

Do You Remember Your Childhood Dreams?

Initially I was going to be a baseball player for the Chicago Cubs. There was no doubt! I was slightly above average on my little league teams!  My life's journey was set.  I would be showered with gifts, admiration, adulation, and support from those that simply wanted to be in my company.  Do you remember your childhood dreams? I do. Wow.

They didn't turn out quite the way that I had Imagined. First of all I discovered that I wasn't good enough to play baseball on a higher level. I didn't have a passion to save the world, and I never wanted to be an astronaut.  My childhood dreams were shot. What did I do? Not much for awhile. I listened to sports radio, ignored my homework, and discovered alcohol..  You know, just the basics to find the way to the path that leads to alcoholism.  It happens.

I am making a lot of progress in my mind. Yes, I still remember my childhood dreams. Did I achieve them all (or any)? Well, not really.. Not exactly as I planned anyway.  We all are meant for different journeys in life..  You know what? The ones that have a crazy maze path to go through? It's probably God's way of uplifting those who have a tendency to remain content in mediocrity. I may have been a drunk through many years of my life, but wow, I can connect mentally to someone with a hurting soul and feel their pain!

Do you remember your childhood dreams? Were you the next president, or a veterinarian who would save all animals from pain?  Did you plan to run a marathon and test your endurance, until you felt the pain? Did you quit, when you know that you had so much more to give?

Remember your childhood dreams. I'm not meaning that you should pursue your dream to be an astronaut, professional baseball player, or figure skating gold medalist. Just remember that special feeling that you felt inside when your dreams were waiting for you during your childhood.  The dreams are still there. Touch them, achieve them, chase them, or take a picture of your pursuit of those dreams! If you try, you win.  That's it. Period!.

Alcoholics Write Better Drunk? Creativity?

Can alcoholics write better while drunk?

Everybody has probably heard the myth that alcoholics are more creative, a large percentage of famous poets were alcoholics, and drinking brings out your creativity. Well, I can easily say that those myths are simply not true. Simply browse around my alcoholic blog and you can easily tell when I was incredibly drunk, from those in which I was sober.

The posts that I write while being drunk are usually quite embarrassing to me. I will vaguely remember writing on the computer the night before (hey, at least it beats drunk facebooking!), so I will check out to see what I had written in my drunken state of mind. The posts are almost always about how sad I am feeling at the time. Basically it is just a drunk feeling sorry for himself.

Many of the posts that I have written here are really quite pathetic, but I don't want to revise them in any way either. The premise of this blog was for people to follow the life of an active and practicing alcoholic. Anyone who is an alcoholic, or who knows an alcoholic, knows all too well that alcoholism isn't a pretty picture. It can be very messy, and yes sometimes this blog is a mess too. I will admit cleaning up a few posts the next day because some of them weren't even readable. So many misspellings and sentences that didn't make sense to myself, let alone to any reader out there. I never changed the post other than fixing some spelling and major drunken grammar catastrophes.

I encourage those to browse around and witness the radical changes in my writing from post to post. I am quite certain that you can predict how much I have had to drink with keen accuracy. So, can alcoholics write better drunk? Of, course the answer is HELL NO! However, there is ONE thing that I have learned about writing a drunken blog. I have never had a problem finding something to write about. The subject is usually filled with sorrow, anger, or self angst. I never had to sit there and think about something to write. Writing can be a way that alcoholics release their sadness, and that is something I am certain. I think my creativity is enhanced at the time..... Until I read it the next day.

While I am sober, I usually have no ambition to write about my alcoholism. It is quite humiliating and very embarrassing. In a odd way, I actually look forward to writing and releasing my pain when I get drunk. However, by the time I stumble home from the bar I am usually too drunk to write clearly. It is, what it is I guess.

I have gotten so many comments (many very rude and demeaning) about writing this blog. Why I drink, about how pathetic I am, how gutless I am, and many more. At least I am willing to throw my skeletons out of my closet. How many do you have buried?

If anyone who isn't an alcoholic and wants to ask any questions about my alcoholism I would love to comment back or even write a post about the topic. I have actually scaled back my drinking, and just maybe this blog has something to do with that. There are many people who don't understand alcoholics and can't find the answers in a book. There is no way I can understand, lets say "overeating", from reading a book about it. To me it's like "Why don't you stop eating when your full? Doesn't it make you feel sick?" I can't process the reasoning very easily. The only way I could actually learn about the process is asking someone who has that addiction.

Alcoholism Romance

Alcoholism Romance

Words don't need to be spoken
and our eyes don't need to meet
We love each others weakness
divulgence tastes so sweet.

------------------------------

Alcoholism is an addiction that fascinates me! I'm an alcoholic, yet I'm intrigued as to why that I am such a glutton towards the disease. Why have I let a simple drink, control me? Why can't I move past this? What is the attraction? What is the Alcoholism Romance?

What is the romance? Where is the love between the two?

Why do alcoholics drink, and why do they love to do so?

What is the romantic connection between an alcoholic and a bottle?

The romance is in the inner expression that is enabled. The love (regardless of the outcome) is expressing yourself the way you feel deep inside.

You cannot argue about the fact that alcoholics definitely express themselves. They do. Some positively, and most in a negative manner.. How can you express yourself positively through your alcoholism? I shouldn't say and add to the romance of the "rock star", "drunken poet" symbolism that we all know.

Their is a romance, but there is also an ending to the story that doesn't offer any support to what was originally in your heart! The ending isn't good. For real!