A Practicing Alcoholics 12 Steps To Destruction Program

A Practicing Alcoholics 12 Steps To Destruction Program

Many people are familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program that has helped millions of people to live their lives free from alcoholic day by day.  I have been to AA many times but haven't quite been able to grasp the program (As Of Yet!). I was emailed a "12 Steps To Destruction" program that a fellow alcoholic has been following! I feel like I could have written some of the steps myself! lol.  I've seen several others like this around the internet. Maybe others can relate as well. I think I should probably write down the "12 step to destruction program" that I've been following and really see how bad a program that it really is!

12 STEPS TO DESTRUCTION

Written by Unknown

1. I decided I could handle alcohol, if other people would just quit trying to run my life.

I have to admit, it has been hard for me to ever think that I am powerless over alcohol. Every time I come across a hardship that was the direct result from alcohol, it was usually someone else's fault! Ya, right.

2. I firmly believe that there is no greater power than myself, and anyone who says it isn't so is insane.

I have felt this from time to time as well. It's sometimes hard to think that there is some "supreme force" that is in control of everything. The "Everything happens for a reason" is a concept I've never been able to accept. Too many "F'ed" up things happen to too many wonderful people, far too often.

3. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God, who didn't understand me anyway.

I haven't ever intentionally decided to remove myself from God. Sometimes I do feel a lil neglected from God however. Doesn't seem like my prayers get answered at times.

4. I made a searching and thorough moral inventory of everyone I knew, so they couldn't fool me and take advantage.

Can't really relate to all of this one. I have some wonderful people in my life that would love to help me in any way possible. However, as an alcoholic I have been hanging around with a lot of wrong people for most of my life. They don't fool me in any way. I know them for what they are, yet at times I still choose their company.. Doesn't make much sense huh?


5. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit to me, by God, the exact nature of their defects of character.

Nah, they don't have to admit their defects to me. They showcase them daily.

6. I became willing to help these people get rid of their defects of character.

No, I joined them and willingly participated right along with them

7. I became humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcomings.

Why would I ever want them to remove their shortcomings? Who would I have to drink with?

8. I made a list of all the people who had harmed me, and waited patiently for a chance to get even with them all.

I've never made out a list, but there's a few that I've thought about :)

9. I got even with these people whenever possible, except when to do so would get me into trouble also.

 If I knew that nothing wouldn't be tracked back to me, I'm ashamed to admit (ok, more than a few) that vengeance would seem gratifying at the time.

10. I continued to take everybody's inventory and when they were wrong, which was most of the time, promptly made them admit it.

I'd like to think that I don't, but I probably do.

11. I sought through concentration of my will-power to get God, who didn't understand me anyway, to see that my ideas were best and He ought to give me the power to carry them out.

Yep, I've did this for sure. Many times I wished that God would go along with my plan.  It was a really good plan damnit!  Apparently not that good. lol

12. I have maintained my drunkenness for 25 years with these steps, and can thoroughly recommend them to other alcoholics who don't want to lose their hard-earned status as drunks, but wish to be left alone, to practice alcoholism in everything they do, for the rest of their lives.

Pretty good steps to continue drinking recklessly! I've drank for 23 years.  Maybe I should write out my own "12 Steps To Destruction" as it pertains to my life. What do you think?

Should I Write About My Alcoholism Again?

Well, its been almost exactly a year since I have posted to my blog on alcoholism. Looking through dozens of comments, and emails about my alcoholism blog, I have decided to continue to write. Many readers have taken offense to my prior postings of the past by saying that I was making "light" of alcoholism, and others sent me thanks from understanding that I was shedding light on alcoholism through the eyes of a practicing alcoholic.

For those that sent me very uninformed, hateful emails condemning my writing, you might as well turn your head in the other direction because if you are still subscribed to this feed, you are going to subjected to more thoughts from a PRACTICING alcoholic.

For the past year I have had many ups and downs. A relationship ended, we reconciled, separated again, and now are in the process of trying yet again. Can you imagine an alcoholic having relationship problems? NAHHH, no way! LOL..

The good news is I have been successfull (at times) to have been able to keep my disease at bay. I have been working full time, and have enrolled in college last fall (at the age of 36). The only way that I am able to ward off cravings to my non relenting disease is by totally exhausting myself throughout the day. Exhausting myself so much that sleep actually becomes more attractive than getting drunk. I have been able to keep my drinking at bay throughout the work and school week because I am soooo busy from 7 AM until about 11:00 PM at night. I was pretty proud that I was able to accomplish temporary abstinence from getting wasted. However, its not as rosy of a picture as it may seem.

When the weekend would come, and all of my homework was caught up, I would typically be drunk from Friday when I clocked out from work until Sunday evening. The weekend would fly by in a blurr, and the next thing I knew, my alarm clock would be screaming at me to wake up Monday morning. My head would be pulsating, my heart racing, and my dreaded Mondays were usually very hard to get through. My temporary week long abstinence would begin again until the dark looming weekend that would lie ahead.

Throughout the week my head would clear, I had energy at work, and my head had the clarity to concentrate on my college studies. I was amazed how well my body and mind would feel from Wednesday thru Friday. Why would I throw this amazing feeling down the toilet? Well, if your an alcoholic you know exactly why! If your not an alcoholic, you may never truly understand. It's as if I made a "deal" with my alcoholic demons that live inside me, to give me some peace throughout the week as I worked (to afford the luxury to buy more alcohol) and the mental clarity to improve my future through education.

Well, here I sit on the computer on Christmas Day. My college semester went great and I got A's in all (three) of my classes. The next semester doesn't start until January 8th. What is a practicing alcoholic to do? The outlook doesn't look promising. I have already gotten calls to meet some "alcoholic friends" to go up to a nearby sports bar and watch the the football game. I'm tempted to go join them. The repercussions that lie ahead will probably lose this internal struggle.

So, I would like to ask my readers (or future readers) if you think that I should continue writing my blog about the internal struggle that alcoholics face? Like I have said in the past, there are thousands of stories of recovering alcoholics, yet you don't often read about those that are still practicing despite the pain that it inflicts on their everyday lives. Do you want to know about the continuing struggle? The struggle that is there everyday of their lives?

It is shameful, and embarrassing to write to the world about some mind twisting activities that alcoholics find themselves indulged in. It absolutely doesn't make sense to someone without the affliction. I am sure the hateful emails and comments will soon come again. I also know shedding light to non-alcoholics about what lies inside the mind of an alcoholic has been very helpful to them. Considering this, I am strongly considering posting regularly again despite those that condemn me for doing so.
.
For those that are in Alcoholics anonymous or are interested in AA I strongly suggest the following book. I have been to Alcoholics Anonymous many times, and while the big book is very good, it seems like all the stories are soooo outdated. Here is the big book, but it has a lot of stories written in 2008 that the modern day alcoholic can relate to!!

Alcohol Related Legal Problems

Alcohol started out being the savior of my life at the young age of 14. Alcohol brought me confidence, friends, laughter, and just a social outlet in general with which I felt comfortable being a part of. It was as if I had joined an exclusive club and was cheerfully accepted by all "practicing" members!

The good times continued to roll for a few years (or so I thought). It was all about good times, partying, girls (being the sex crazed teenager that I was), and living a care free life. What I failed to notice at the time was that my grades began to drop, I no longer had a passion for participating in sports (quit my teams), and all of the dreams I had while growing up seemed to fade away. Alcohol quickly became my best friend, medical doctor, confidence coach, and future guidance counselor. What a team of mentor's huh?

It didn't take long for the alcohol related legal problems to come around. As a teenager back in the 80's, drinking and driving was done with regularity. We would load up the car with beer and just cruise through the cornfields of Illinois. Back then the police would usually let us off lightly. The first couple of times, they simply made us pour out all of our beer. Then came the "Illegal Possession of Alcohol By A Minor" tickets, followed by DUI's in the future.

Alcohol charges were treated in a much more mild fashion than what they are today. Teenagers just getting a "slap on the hand" was the commonplace, rather than the exception. Teenagers often have the bulletproof mentality, and I wasn't without exception. I kept drinking and driving even after getting three DWI charges by the time that I was 18. If your reading this and your a teenager, don't think for one second that you will get the same "free passes" in today's world. You will fast-track your ass to jail in a heartbeat.

The alcohol related legal offenses continued to mount. A couple of alcohol induced fights landed me with the charges of "aggravated assault, mob action, and a couple of others that I can't even remember. After two traffic accidents I received more DWI charges that ultimately sent me to jail several times, and eventually to prison.

At the age of 19 years old I was sentenced to a 120 day prison boot camp for violating probation with a DWI. There was a waiting list to get to the boot camp so I ended up serving time in three different prisons waiting to finally get to serve a single day of my 120 day boot camp sentence. All in all I spent nearly 11 months for that alcohol related probation violation.

Ok, by now things are starting to get more serious. I knew that I couldn't continue at the rate I was going or I was going to rot in jail or prison. Before I was introduced to alcohol I was a smart kid, got good grades, and had a bright future. Alcohol entered my life and disguised itself as my friend.

I was lucky enough to get married at the age of 21 and I was able to stay out of trouble for awhile. While I still drank (and drove too), I didn't have any legal problems. That's not to say that alcohol didn't affect my marriage though, because it did. My wife got tired of my antics and we were divorced in less than two years.

I will get into more detail in future posts about my many alcohol related legal problems, I'm just trying to sum up twenty years of drinking in one post.

Over the years I got a few more DWI's and spent more stints in multiple jails. I paid lawyers a lot of money to get the drunken driving charges lowered to lesser offenses when I could. Since I was 16 (I am 35 now) I probably have had a LEGAL license for maybe 8 of those 19 years. My license was either suspended or revoked the remainder of the time.

I am proud to say that I haven't drunk and drove in almost two years, and I pray that I never will again. I have been blessed that I have never injured or killed anybody over the years. If I can send out a plea to anybody out there that is currently drinking and driving, I would like to say "DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE". You will either suffer some of the alcohol related legal problems that I have throughout my life, or it could be much worse. To spend the rest of your life knowing that you have seriously injured or killed another innocent driver/pedestrian will haunt you for eternity, and it will haunt your soul everyday while you are serving years of your life in jail.

I hope that somebody is reading this that hasn't suffered any alcohol related legal problems to realize, that its not just a possibility, it is a PROBABILITY! When you are making poor decisions in an inebriated state of mind, not too many good things are going to come your way.

If any of you that are reading this article have read my other posts, then you know that I am a PRACTICING alcoholic. I haven't yet quit the bottle, and am uncertain on when that day will come. If you haven't read any of my other posts then I encourage you to sign up to the free email newsletter, or RSS feed. This site is about the life of an alcoholic from an alcoholic. Why do alcoholics do what they do, and why do they think the way I do? I hope that you, others, and I will gain a greater insight, perspective, and understanding of this disease that we call alcoholism.

Here is a great book that goes into detail of the thought processes that occur inside the alcoholic's mind. Good read. While I don't agree with everything, It has helped me form some of my own introspective opinions about my disease.

Finding Excuses To Drink Alcohol

The mind of an alcoholic can be very crafty, and quite the salesman. Your addicted body and brain will give you every reason and excuse imaginable to convince you to open up the bottle.

You've had a bad day at work, tomorrow is your day off, your fighting with your girlfriend/boyfriend, it's a Holiday, your "friends' asked you out to watch the ball game at the sports bar, etc.... The list goes on and on and on. The excuses that an alcoholic will make to rationalize or give validity to the "reasonable" decision to drink is endless.

I'll give you a few examples of some of the ridiculous excuses that I have made over the years. Whenever I have my daughter for the weekend (every other weekend visitation, since I'm divorced. Imagine that!), I always find the excuse to drink on the Thursday before so I won't have as much temptation to drink around my daughter during the weekend. I make sure that I get wasted enough on Thursday so I'll have a brutal hangover and won't even have the desire to drink for the weekend. I rationalize to myself, that I wouldn't be a good parent if she saw me drinking excessively so I might as well get trashed the day before that she comes over to the house.

I have managed to keep the vast majority of my alcoholism away from her for 13 years. So therefore, I tell myself that I'm a better parent if I don't drink when I'm around her. Two days of sobriety is manageable, although not entirely easy. The Sunday afternoons, the addiction comes back roaring strong telling me "Its almost time for some drinks my friend. Soon, you will be mine!"

Another excuse I make to drink alcohol, is going to events that I enjoy and have always associated alcohol with that particular event. Sporting events, concerts, bars (obviously), casinos, boating on the lake, or at least in my case just about any type of social event. I have always suffered from social anxiety, so deciding to medicate myself with alcohol was always an easy excuse to make.

Some people have such stressful lives at work, they use the excuse to drink daily as a way to "relax and unwind". What happens in the end however, is that their quality of sleep suffers, often they drink too much, and their stressful job gets even worse.

I remember the days of doing construction work throughout the hot and humid summer months. Nothing sounded better than having some cold beers after work. Just driving by the local bars in the area where you live (between 4-6 PM), you can certainly see that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Everybody in this world has many hardships that come their way in their lives. The difference is "everybody" doesn't drink, or at least doesn't drink for the many reasons that an alcoholic does. Alcoholism makes you believe that it's your friend to help make the good times in your life even better, the stressful times less intense, and the sad times a little less painful.

An alcoholic can find an excuse to drink everyday of their lives, and to that alcoholic many of those will seem very rational. At times an alcoholic will know that the decisions that they are making are ruining their lives, but alcoholism leaves them powerless as they struggle aimlessly with their addiction.

Please feel free to add some of your own "excuses to drink" if you are an alcoholic, or some of the excuses that some of your friends and loved ones have made to encourage their own alcohol consumption.

Here is a great book that I have read about reversing the damage of alcoholism -
Eating for Recovery: The Essential Nutrition Plan to Reverse the Physical Damage of Alcoholism

Reversing Damage From Alcoholism

Well, the title of this blog can be a bit misleading. I really don't think that you can REVERSE all of the effects that years have drinking has done to an alcoholics body. However, there are many supplements, herbs, and precautions that can really minimize the damages of alcohol.

I have been an alcoholic for 20 years, and this may seem strange, but I have also been a HEALTH nut for nearly as long. The human body has always fascinated me, and I love to research alternative medicine and anti aging alternatives that often go unpublicized in western medicine. An alcoholic is committing a slow and depressive suicide by drinking in such large volumes, for long periods of time, over many years. Until you (or somebody you love) can find their way out of the darkness, I would like to share some protective herbs, foods, and supplements that can protect your body from alcohol.

After two decades of hard drinking, I am lucky to say that my body still feels rather healthy. That's not to say that I don't suffer from severe hangovers, I just make an effort to replenish my body with the nutrients that alcohol takes away. Since I don't have any health insurance, I have long ago decided to become my own health care provider. You would be amazed at how many alternative therapies are actually very effective at treating sickness and disease. I certainly don't have a large financial budget to afford all of the alternative medicine treatments that can be found on the internet. The monetary cost would be very substantial. I will just share some very effective natural treatments (that I use daily) that you can find at your grocery store, or local vitamin shop.

• Milk Thistle and Dandelion - Milk Thistle is probably the best herbal supplement that you can take to protect your liver from alcohol. Milk Thistle has actually been PROVEN to reverse some of the damages of alcohol, and can prevent further damage. Read some facts about Milk Thistle from a University of Maryland Study. Dandelion has also been proven to be very effective in detoxifying the liver from the harmful effects of alcohol. You can purchase treatments both in one supplement to help those suffering from alcoholism to protect themselves from the damages from alcohol. Ordering Milk Thistle Online is Cheap and Easy, and Your Liver Will Thank You!
  
• Beets - Personally, I can't stand the taste of beets, but after years of research on ways I can protect my body from the effects of alcoholism, I have found a way to tolerate them. Here are some facts about the benefits of regularly consuming beets.
• Lemon Juice - Lemon juice is very beneficial for the liver. It is most highly effective if you heat up some water to a near boil in a "coffee mug" and squeeze a lemon into the hot water. Most liver cleanses are done with the use of Olive oil and lemon juice. A simple search on Google will give you thousands of liver flush remedies. I have tried this liver flush with amazing results!! The flush works my friends! Until you are ready for the flush treatment, then hot lemon water is good therapy for your liver. Ginger tea is worth checking into as well!
  
• Cayenne Pepper Tea - Heavy drinking can cause heart damage, and if you want to keep your heart healthy, then heating up hot water in a coffee mug and mixing 1/2 - 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper is probably the best natural medicine that you can take for your heart (and it only costs a few dollars in any grocery store). Google "cayenne pepper heart" into any search engine to read all about the benefits that cayenne pepper tea immediately gives every organ in your body. Initially it is tough to swallow down, but you get used to it, and begin to like it. It gives you a boost of energy without the caffeine type stimulant jitters!
• Plenty of Fluids - Anybody who has ever gotten drunk before has probably suffered from dehydration. Anybody who sufferers from alcoholism suffers from this on a regular basis. Drinking "healthy" fluids while you are drinking can help remedy the "next day dehydration effect", and immediately drinking plenty of water or juices the next day will greatly shorten the hangover time-span. Dehydration also makes all of your organs work harder and less effectively. Give your organs a break! I personally prefer V8 upon waking up the next day. It gives me a lot of nutrition, and the sodium content helps the body to retain some water, which is beneficial to the dehydration problem that the over consumption of alcohol has caused.
• B Vitamin Complex and Multi Vitamin Supplement - Alcohol depletes the body of many water soluble vitamins. A B-complex and a multiple vitamin (without iron) helps give you a broad nutritional replenishment of the alcohol induced damages of the day before.
• Vegetables - However you prefer to indulge. The more the better! I enjoy going out to a nice salad bar (Ruby Tuesday's for me!), and load up on every vegetable available. Use spinach lettuce, rather than iceberg lettuce (its worthless). Your body can literally feel the benefits that it receives.
• Exercise - I know, its nearly impossible to exercise when you are hungover. The only way I can get around this is taking a day off from drinking. Do whatever you can to get through this day. Just taking one or two days off from drinking really rejuvinates the body and allows your mind to focus more clearly. You would be amazed at how differently you enjoy everyday life, commitments, and priorities if you just can give yourself a break from your addictions with alcohol. I love to exercise after a day or two off from "acting a fool" with my drinking addictions. I walk, run up and down my steps, and even lift a few weights. Anything that will break a sweat will do. Try replacing an "alcohol high" with a natural rush of an endorphin euphoria! The only drawback from this, is that I feel so good after the exercise, I have a strong urge to open a beer and "have some fun"! Ohhh, the life of an alcoholic.

These are just a few remedies that I do to offset some of the damages I have self induced onto myself from years of alcoholism. I would be much better off abstaining from alcohol entirely, but until I am ready to give the full commitment, I really feel that I have lessened the damages from alcohol. Nutrition, herbal supplements, and exercise really do provide benefits. I am almost 36 years old and still get carded for booze. These precautions / remedies must be doing something right! Just try to treat your body right, until your ready to make sobriety a part of your everyday life.

I am not condoning drinking, I just want myself, you, and us all to keep our health until we are ready to make the dedicated commitment. Nobody can preach somebody else into quitting their alcohol addiction. It's a decision that each individual must make on their own time. I have a strong feeling that alcohol will always win in the end if we never decide to quit. Until then, lets try to stay healthy, and keep our hearts open with the possibility that its possible to allow yourself to be happy AND sober. I know there's a way. I just haven't found it yet myself.

The following is a very good book (that I have personally read) that relates directly towards this article :

Crossing That Invisible Line

Every alcoholic is different, with different triggers, reasons, and behaviors associated with alcohol. Just speaking for myself, I can say that I have this "invisible line" (while drinking) that has a downward slippery slope on the other side. If I stay on one side (the controlled drinking side), I can totally function like a "normal" person in society. I can put down my drink at any time, go to bed at a decent hour, and be productive the next day.

So what happens when I just take one small step onto the other side of the line? Well, the declining slippery slope on the other side of the line just takes the feet out from under me and I ride (drink) that slope all the way to the bottom. There isn't any way that I can stop myself from drinking until I reach the bottom.

So, why do I cross that invisible line? Well "taking the ride" after crossing the invisible line can be exhilarating. It can take away your pain. It can help you forget your problems. It can give you courage when it seems as if you didn't have any. Crossing the invisible line gives you temporary reprieve from the problems in your life. A TEMPORARY reprieve. The problems will still be there waiting for you (plus a few more added on). The courage that you felt after crossing that line has left you, and you feel more vulnerable than ever. That exhilarating buzz that you had, has been replaced with a headache, dehydration, and a fatigued body, mind, and spirit.

So what lies within an alcoholic that urges them to cross the line of no return? An alcoholic is addicted to the release that crossing over the line gives them. We all have different reasons to feed this addiction, so I can only speak for myself. I'm an alcoholic that has difficulty releasing all of my problems, fears, and anxieties of everyday life. I seem to throw them all in a glass bottle and put a cork in the top. Alcohol serves as some kind of a bottle opener for me that releases everything that I have stored in the bottle. The only problem is, it doesn't take me long to fill that glass bottle back up, and the need to "medicate" myself is back on my doorstep once again.

I think an alcoholic just has to decide when they are just too tired, beat up, and exhausted to cross that line anymore. Crossing the line and taking the ride to the bottom really takes a toll on the body. The ride down isn't smooth, straight, and without obstacles. There are bumps, holes, and sharp turns with jagged edges that leave you battered, confused, and disoriented. When will I be tired of crossing that line? I can't answer that. Yet.

I think my next post will be about the things I do to try to offset the damages that drinking does to my body. Damage control! You might find it interesting.


Eating for Recovery: The Essential Nutrition Plan to Reverse the Physical Damage of Alcoholism


Sign up to my free email newsletter, bookmark this site, or sign up to the RSS feed to ride along my journey through life as an alcoholic.

Surrounding Your Life Around Your Addiction

What do I mean by surrounding your life around your alcohol addiction? I mean that you frame your daily activities, your work life, and your sleeping patterns around making sure you still have time to get drunk.

I am employed at a job that I "conveniently" clock out at 10:30 PM. This means that I still have 2 hours to drink in a bar before the bar closes, and then continue drinking for several more hours after I get home. I rationalize to myself that not getting to a bar until 11:00 PM, keeps me sober enough to drive home (or walk because I live right next to a bar), and even if I stay up till 5:00 in the morning, I can sleep off the ensuing hangover until 3:00 in the afternoon.

If I had a job where I worked an 8-5:30 shift, trouble would undoubtedly follow. The type of alcoholic that I am makes leaving a bar or putting down my beer nearly impossible if I happen to be having a good time. If I went straight to a bar after I got off of work at 5:30 PM I would have 7 hours of potential drinking on my hands. Not only would that be expensive, I also would be entirely too drunk to drive a vehicle. With me that would be a scary, and potential game of Russian Roulette.

I'm such a mess that when I move to a new location, the location of a bar within walking distance takes priority over so many other factors that should be much more of an important factor. To somebody that doesn't suffer from alcoholism, it is very hard for them to understand a thinking process such as this. There are many types of alcoholics. This is just one example of some of the craziness that goes on within my head.

I have taken jobs that really don't have much of a future, solely to cater to my alcoholism. Many alcoholics function and even thrive in high profile jobs. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, police officers, etc.... I am not one of those types of alcoholics. I really feel as if I have underachieved my entire life, and all the dreams of my childhood have remained unfulfilled. Alcoholism can (and will) steal your dreams, ruin your health, and rob you of your ambition.. If I could snap my fingers and make the demons go away, I would. Still searching for a way.

Thanks for reading today's post about my battles with alcoholism, and why I do the things I do regarding my alcohol habit. You don't have to agree or disagree with anything that I have to say. We are all different human beings, and the way we think about issues is unique with each individual.

Alcohol Cause or Cure Insomnia?

Well, here I sit at about 3:00 PM in the afternoon and I'm just getting up, moving around and trying to be halfway productive. I went to a Halloween party last night and actually contained myself pretty well. I guess I was a little too sober to have much fun (remember this is an alcoholic mentality that I have), so I went home early at around 11:30. Of course I couldn't sleep, so in a "zombie like" trance I walked to the refrigerator (I think I've did this routine before) and popped open a beer. Since I knew that sleep wouldn't be coming my way I put on some music, lit up a smoke, and continued with my habitual process.

So does alcoholism cause or cure Insomnia? Well, I think the answer is both, and both answers are a lose/lose situation. Alcohol can cure insomnia (for the night) if you drink enough, but any alcoholic can tell you is that it takes A LOT of booze to knock you out. It takes enough booze to cause extreme hangovers and literally ruin your next days productivity. How can you be on top of your game when your head is splitting in two, nauseous, and your head's spinning because you are still actually drunk for the first half of the next day.

Insomnia can also throw a wrench into your daily life as well. When your walking around in a distempered zombie like state of mind, embracing your life, work, and those around you can be quite a difficult task. So what do you do? Drink more alcohol? Take valium or sleeping pills? Take herbal formulas? The latter may be the best alternative, but I have found that when your battling an addiction with alcohol, taking a melatonin or something like that doesn't seem to do the trick.

So why would alcohol cause insomnia? Well, I don't have any doctorate degrees on my wall so I can't give you an authoritative answer. I can only speak from my experiences of dealing with both. Besides wouldn't you want an opinion from someone who actually suffers with these issues, rather than some man/woman in a coat who probably doesn't have a clue (other than what they have read in a book) of what they are talking about?

I believe that when an alcoholic abstains, or drinks in moderation for a night, the addictive "demons" of alcohol come to life and come knocking on your brain. I know some of you out there are nodding your head as if you can relate to what I'm talking about. If you don't suffer from this you are probably a bit bewildered. Addiction can actually speak to you inside your head. Speak to you INCESSANTLY until it gets what it wants. You can withhold all you want, but the addiction will still be sitting there with its greedy hands out.

So to refrain from rambling on for hours, I will come up with my "professional alcoholic" hypothesis. People suffer from insomnia that have never touched a drop from alcohol, but yes alcoholism does cause insomnia. If your an alcoholic and you can recall the days of sleeping like a baby, the bottle in your hand is the selfish culprit. So why don't I just stop drinking? Ha ha.. Well, you have to be willing to say goodbye to your life long best friend (however much of selfish jerk your best friend is), and I'm not quite ready to do that yet. We dance so well together. At least until we fall down on our face. Yet alcoholics are a stubborn breed. We get up to do the dance once again.

If you have just started reading this blog, do yourself a favor and start from the beginning. You can't just open up a book in the middle can ya? Well, until the next article my friends, have a good evening and be safe in this dangerous (often self induced) world we live in out there.

P.S. If you haven't decided to quit drinking, or if you have quit drinking and want to reverse some of the damage that you have done to your body over the years, I'd like to suggest the following book. I don't plug shameless ads of products that I haven't used (or read in this case) myself. Have a great day!
Eating for Recovery: The Essential Nutrition Plan to Reverse the Physical Damage of Alcoholism

What Triggers The Binge Drinking?

So, what is it that creates the uncontrollable urge to binge drink? What allows an alcoholic to "occasionally" drink in moderation, and at other times not be able to stop until they have totally reached an inebriated stupor? I think the "alcohol binge trigger" is different for everybody and the answer to that question will vary with each individual. There really isn't a correct answer that anybody could put in the back of an "alcoholic textbook", so I'll just tell you about a few of my triggers and maybe (or not) you can relate.

For me, I have several triggers that are quite likely to send me down that drunken trail once again. I'll just give you a few examples and feel free to let me know if you can relate to some of my "alcohol craving triggers". I would love to hear what some of your triggers are as well.

I'll try to keep this as short as I can, but I have always "suffered I guess" from social anxiety, shyness, fear of unfamiliar groups, panic (and all the rest of the phobias that belong to that category! LOL).

At the age of 14 I discovered the magical beverage that took all of those fears away. I went to my first keg party with my older cousin (I have never been drunk at that point). I didn't know a person at the party, other than my cousin, and I felt like crawling in a hole and dying a quick death. Halfway through my second beer (hey, I had a low tolerance at 14! lol), I felt those aching, fearful feelings start to subside. By the time I was on my third beer I was actually joining in on the conversation. Yeah, ME, joining in on a conversation with people I hadn't known before that night. Never could I had done that without the magical beverage of beer. I think I instantly fell in love with alcohol, and probably instantly became an alcoholic (atleast a mental alcoholic) at the age of 14.

By the end of the night I was cracking jokes, had the girls laughing, and had my arms around two pretty girls while having the time of my life. Of course I ended up vomiting all over a bush outside the house about a half dozen times, but it was sooooo worth it. I had conquered my social anxiety fears. The only downfall was that I had to medicate myself with alcohol to feel this way.

Another trigger that I would like to mention may throw you (unless your the type of alcoholic like I am). Listening to my favorite music of my childhood can trigger an almost bloodthirst craving for alcohol. I think it is because it takes me back to a special head-space of free spirited, partying with my youthful friends. It was a not having a "care in the world" time of my life. It was the devine music I listened to before all the demons from alcohol started to show their face. It was before I had lost jobs, got thrown in jail, did a stint in prison, gotten divorced, and missed important parts of watching my 13 year old daughter grow up. It was the music that I ALWAYS drank with. Music became my friend that would party with me if nobody was around to have a drink with.

I still follow those bands (even though they are getting older) and still love to jam out with their new songs, and the craving for alcohol when their music plays is still as strong as ever. I hate to admit it, but I still like the feeling that it gives me. I'll spare you all of the depressive, self conscious, and downright self loathing feelings for future posts! lol

P.S. Today is Halloween. Guess what? I will be at one of those parties out there getting drunk once again. I mentioned in my first post that this blog isn't an "I am healed, hear my testimony" type of blog. I'm a mess, and am a work in progress. Hoping that I can help myself understand my addiction, and maybe help someone else along the way. Be sure to sign up to my feed to travel along this unpredictable journey with me!